Our RDCs didn’t hit us, either. They threatened to hit us constantly, but it was just part of their mind games that they liked to play. Boot Camp, all in all, was one big mind game mixed with marching and a lack of sleep. Taps was at 2200 (if we were lucky) and reveille was 0400. We had watch every other night, resulting in even less sleep and all of this, played into the psychological games that the RDCs would play.

The biggest mind game of all, letting out secrets about something called Battle Stations. We were told over and over again that if we failed battle stations, we would fail boot camp and have to start all over again. When was this battle stations to happen? Without a moments notice, they would say. All lies, of course.

Battle Stations amounted to nothing more than a single night of: running over 5 miles (carrying a seabag full of wet clothes), fighting “simulated” fires, swimming with a bunch of Navy Seals, and performing events like escaping a sinking ship and getting a ship underway for an emergency. You know, common, every day Navy occurences.

I’m not knocking the value of Battle Stations, it pulled our division together and we worked as a team. Where are those guys today, I have no idea.

I was surprised that the “New Navy” had gotten even newer. By newer, I mean weaker, of course. Here’s a blurb from navy.mil about the newer battle stations:

Recruits stand at attention during their capping ceremony after successfully completing Battle Stations 21 aboard USS Trayer (BST 21). Battle Stations 21 is the culmination of all training received at the Navy’s only boot camp. It is a grueling 12-hour test of a recruit’s skills in several shipboard evolutions, including fighting fires and stopping floods. The event is held entirely aboard Trayer and marks the recruit’s final rite of passage into the Navy.

“The event is held entirely aboard Trayer”. Well, so much for the hardest part of battle stations.

I also heard that recruits sleep in until 0600.

Anyone know if this is true?

After many days of thought at morning quarters the Skipper was instructing his men on the daily task as birds flew overhead one solitary crow stood out in the flock of sea gulls as it passed the Captain gazed into the sky to watch the magnificent bird fighting for food “Men, I want you to look at that solitary crow fighting his way through the seagulls to get his food. That is the symbol that will represent my Petty Officers.” As the crow passed overhead the bird did what they do best and shat upon the shoulder of the Captain.

The skipper instead of anger showed a menacing smile, “Also with this symbol to set aside you further more I would like to see each of my most junior of Petty Officers to wear on Chevron to represent how much crap you will catch from those above you and as you increase your title you will increase how much crap you will have to take. Until the point where you are to no longer be Petty Officers but the Chief of the Petty Officers, at which time you will have a cap placed on top of your Chevron because since at this point you will be so full of crap that you will not be catching crap any longer.” The men did as there Captain said and word spread throughout the Navy and this is the origin of the crow.

Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can’t join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:

The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem … kick their ass.

When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest… kick their ass.

Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their ass.

(GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU’s), telling others that you used to be “Special Forces,” and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, “Do you fly a jet?” Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass kicking (children are exempt).

If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non military, inform them of their mistake…and kick their ass.

Roseanne Barr’s singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper…it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.

Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her…of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass kicking.

What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is “traitor.” Just mention her nomination for “Woman of the Year” and get your ass kicked.

Don’t try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief. The President (for those who didn’t know) is our CIC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives” meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)

“Your mama wears combat boots” never made sense to me … stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your ass!

Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying “Let’s go kill those Commie’s!!!” And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me … if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.

Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Could get your ass kicked.

Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.

Buy a steel dumpster, paint it haze-gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

Repaint your entire house every month. Color Choices-Haze Grey or Dark Grey

{mosimage}Renovate your bathroom (and henceforth always refer to it as the “head”). Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub(shower-stall) and move the showerhead to chest level. When you take a shower, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down. (Wet down, turn off water, soap down, Turn on water rinse down! Navy Shower) (Hollywood Showers are showers that last more than one(1) Minute)

Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

Disassemble and inspect your lawn-mower every week.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed. (call it “water hours”)

Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can’t turn over without getting out and then getting back in. Put all your clothes under your mattress to press them!

Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say “Sorry, wrong rack.”

Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house -dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. (call it “PQS- Qualifications”)

Have your neighbor come over each day at 6 am, blow a whistle loudly, and shout “Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up.”

Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you. (call it “Morning Muster Call”)

Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 pm. (call it “Early-Liberty”)

Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Stop referring to the garbage bins as “SHIT-CAN’s”)

Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you. (call it “Mail Call”)

Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. (call it “Movie Call”)

Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.

Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs or a horse cock sandwich . Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.( Horse cock= BOLOGNA)

Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich OR HORSE COCK on stale bread. (Midrats=MIDNIGHT RATIONS)

Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose. (call it “FIRE DRILL”)

Every week or so, throw your dog in the pool and shout, “Man overboard port side!” Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup “Stove manned and ready.” After an hour or so, speak into the cup again “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox. (SOUND-POWERED TELEPHONES)

Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time. (call it “QUARTERDECK WATCH”)

When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket and a bucket so you can puke in it.

Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking. Or go to boiler room for some BT (Boiler Tech) coffee made from feed water, nasty tasting stuff, but you get used to it, drinking hot coffee when in 145 down there in front of the boilers, that’s a cool day! In the Persian Gulf it gets hotter!

Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears, and tell the barber just a little off the sides.

Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.

Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for “liberty.” At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house because you failed inspection, or you have ORI coming up.

Have you wife press your skivvies, no starch!

Get drunk and wind up in a tattoo parlor getting a tattoo on your wife’s butt cheeks or a Choo Choo train coming out your butt hole.

Eat your meal in less than 5 minutes to keep in practice, chewing not required!

Shout out every time a women comes into your room, “female on deck”!

Navy Shellback Initiation has always involved a lot of contriversy and lately, Navy shellback initiation is in danger of becoming extinct due to the political correctness of today’s Navy. Regardless, we are here to document shellback initiation as a great Naval tradition and to help keep alive the loyal order of shellbacks.

Shellbacks, are sailors who have crossed the equator. Pollywogs, are sailors who have not crossed the equator. Shellback Initiation is the ceremony which converts pollywogs to shellbacks. This ceremony is said to have dated back to the early days of the Royal Navy and was originally created to test a new sailor’s ability to withstand long, hard days at sea. Early shellback initiation ceremonies involved beating wogs with wooden planks, wet ropes, and in some cases, dragging sailors overboard. It is historic fact that some sailors died while participating in Shellback Initation.

During World War II, Shellback Initiation still involved some rather brutal methods of initiation. The “Devil’s Tongue”, a piece of electrified metal was often shoved into a pollywog’s side. Beating of wogs was still very common and remained common until the early 1980s when several beatings led to many injuries and at least one reported death.

Since then, the Navy has implemented regulations and strict practices which prohibit physical attacks on wogs.

What do you think about the kinder, gentler Navy?